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Sometimes the only place to start is with one baby step. It has been brought to my attention(again) that healing is not linear. Bump goes the road and along with it my bruised Ego. How is it that the hardest person to forgive sometimes is ourselves? Take a breath. That prior sentence is for me as much as for anyone else that needs to hear it. There is a lesson to be learned here...I tell myself this. I made a mistake.

I won’t get into the details of “how I messed up”, because we all do. The synopsis is: how do we learn the necessary lesson to the extent that our mistakes do not repeat themselves? We tend to openly forgive others, especially those that we love, but how can we bring that same compassionate energy to ourselves? Self-love has been an incredibly difficult process for me. I want to feel the pain and let it burn.

Suffering from my own hands has become unacceptable anymore and that’s how I know that growth is occurring. What do I hope to achieve by withholding forgiveness for myself? Does prolonging my suffering make me feel better? This is a rhetorical question, because the answer is an obvious no. Here is the truth of the matter: We have a choice. We can choose to agonize over a mistake that we made or we can choose to forgive ourselves and move on.

One choice offers release and peace, while the other offers distress and anguish. The more suffering you endure does not correlate to the amount that you are sorry. Do not continue to hurt yourself and choose to move forward. Remember that you are the spinner of your own web. Keep that web positive, loving, and compassionate. Especially, towards yourself. You are worth all your love and forgiveness.

Blessings,


Madame Heather


The real miracles of life occur during times of hardship. The times when your heart is breaking and the core of your soul is shaking. Within these seasons, you will come to know who you really are. Growth can be devastatingly difficult. It can feel as if you are standing in a smog. The daylight has been blocked out and you are unable to see the path that lies ahead. Does this sound like your current reality?

I have a message for you:

Keep fighting. Do not give up. Beyond the veil of heartache lies illumination and clarity. Your light at the end of tunnel will come as you walk forward. Forgive, love, be as positive as possible, and above all keep moving. Standing in one place for too long is like digging a ditch with no end in sight.

This morning, I saw an entire migratory group of geese. Did you know geese are known for their unwavering faith, confidence, and bravery? Geese subscribe to the ethos of “No man left behind”. If a fellow goose gets sick or injured someone stays behind as a caretaker. Makes you look at geese a bit differently doesn’t it?

The underlying message from goose is this: “Go forward with bravery and confidence.”


Blessings,



Madame Heather


What a shame, what a shame. That's what people will say when you go through a hardship. A real hardship is something that affects the spirit and delves deep down to the core of your soul. Folks may say "What a shame" to your face, but they will most likely say it behind your back. When you go through a hardship like depression, major illness, chemo, financial poverty, death, etc...you have everyone seemingly analyzing your every single move. 

Dealing with my shame has been the most difficult part of my anxiety, depression, fear, breakthrough, spiritual awakening, and/or late-onset of bipolar disorder. Whatever you call it, be sure that shame comes as an extra large side order. Shame that I have brought to myself and my entire family. More importantly than the acute "mental illness" shame, it is the fear of prolonged shame and never living down your mistakes. It isn't even a mistake, but something that simply happened as a combination of genetic and environmental factors. Short-term shame is manageable, but long-term shame is a hard pill to swallow. Many of my familial relationships will never be the same again. I will never be the same again.

Inspiration from Rising Strong by Brené Brown. "It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly;...who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worse, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly." ~Theodore Roosevelt's  1910 "Man in the Arena" speech
With family members and friends that do not know me well, I shall see many head shakes and woeful glances. However, none of it matters. If I am to recognize these exchanges, then I am to give away my power. This is my battle, my struggle, but also my triumph. I will not let this bump in the road define my life. I must move forward and I must let go of this sludge called shame. Shame, you can no longer echo within the hollows of my mind. Your loneliness and sadness no longer play a major role in my life. I have learned the gift of vulnerability today thanks to author and inspiration Brené Brown. I also found renewed compassion for others through my struggles. This week I got to share my renewed compassion with a blog fan that sent me an e-mail during her hour of need.

I got a very poignant e-mail from a single mom who is struggling financially. I gave her money. My husband asked me why I gave her money. It was $5 and it was not about the money. It was about humanity. It was about reaching back out to someone who reached out to me for help. I get many soliciting e-mails, but something told me that this one was different and it was certainly sincere. Perhaps she is a good scammer you might say, but I don't think so. In fact, I wrote her back and told her that she and her daughter were in my thoughts and prayers. She wrote me back and seemed grateful for the positive exchange. Some words of encouragement and $5 can turn a life around, but more importantly it can instill and give renewed hope. With real empathy and compassion shame truly cannot survive.



Artwork by Jorge Antonio Gonzalez



I entered into the room of my first sound bath meditation with singing bowls and immediately started to sweat. I grabbed my yoga mat and fidgeted into a manageable position. I really dislike meditation. Yes, that's right! I may be spiritual, but I am also a Scorpio with a "type A" personality. That means I have trouble sitting still for more than 30 seconds. However, I found that the singing bowls allowed me to relax my mind and body far more easily than a traditional silent meditation. During the end of the meditation, I saw something in my third eye. It appeared to be a regular tiger, but when it looked over its shoulder I noticed the prolonged front canines. This was no ordinary tiger. It was a prehistoric Saber-toothed tiger!

In my vision, the Saber-toothed tiger came to a water's edge where it began to drink. I started to wonder about the significance of the Saber-toothed tiger as a spirit animal. Please also look up tiger as a companion spirit animal. My initial impressions are:

Ancient wisdom, Inner knowledge obtained through dreams and stillness, Meditation, Strength, Introspection, Courage, Independence, Finding the seat of your personal power, Dispelling of self-created illusions and fears, Reflection, Acknowledgment or embracing of primal instincts.

The online Saber-toothed tiger information that I found was obscure, but what I did find was very illuminating! According to sabertoothed.wordpress.com, a group of Mexican Seers regarded the Saber-toothed tiger as an animal that has a great capacity to perceive non-ordinary reality due to his mindful deep breathing. This particular article has some wonderful details on the spiritual-nature of this prehistoric animal.

If you are interested in spirit animals and would like to have a tarot reading with me, please visit me at http://facebook.com/madameheathertarotreader




It is unclear to me at this moment if anyone will be interested in reading my stories, however, the truth remains that I am writing this chronicle because I find it hard to talk to friends and family about my experiences. So, in order to release the excess energy from my sessions I have decided to write about them. For full disclosure, I am not writing about my clients. I am, however,  going to write about my feelings, experiences, and lessons that I learned during the sessions.

Before I begin, let me give you a little background on myself. I am just starting out on my mediumship journey and I work with spirit animals. I am feeling uncertain about different aspects of mediumship. The main problem I am currently having deals with energetic boundaries and who I can talk to about my sessions and in what fashion? You see, I have a slight problem. I am not clairaudient and that means that I cannot directly hear guidance from spirit on the matter. My other problem is my lack of Mentorship, which I believe will resolve itself soon. The teacher will appear when the student is ready sort of thing. Where is this invisible spiritual boundary that I don’t want to cross? My sessions have been incredibly intense and I need to talk to someone, but can I?

Today, I found my John the God crystal pendulum and felt oh so excited! Evidently, this crystal is the perfect crystal for helping to develop mediumship abilities, skills, and talents. I don’t use the pendulum, but I made it into a pendant for a ancestral Swarovski crystal necklace, which I recently received. I purchased this crystal long before I started walking the road of mediumship.

I believe that my innate healing abilities for healing others as well as myself have been awakened. I feel like I have received the call of a shaman. I have decided to answer that call and see where it takes me.

Today’s session lesion comes from turtle. Turtle is teaching me an incredible amount. Actually, a snapping turtle nearly took my finger off at the outer banks last week as I foolishly scooped him up from the road to prevent him from getting squished. Let’s just say the other motorists seemed to get a hearty laugh out of spectacle, as did my children. Turtle is teaching me to flow through the changes and challenges. Turtle is Mother Earth to many Native tribes and a symbol of protection. They are also, without a  surprise,  a symbol of longevity.

Before each session, I pick crystals intuitively as well as re-arranging my “sacred space”. I keep selenite for the angels and a protective crystal(usually my obsidian arrowhead). Today, I felt drawn to rosemary. a herb that I associate with my grandfather, whom passed away last Fall. I made salt dough ornaments for everyone who attended his funeral with rosemary impressions for “remembrance”. I knew the holidays would be a particularly hard time for many people, so I wanted them to have something to look at for remembrance during the holiday season.

Unknowingly, upon leaving the reception, I left the last ornament(mine) for the church Christmas tree. My grandfather and grandmother are dearly devoted to God and their community. Today, I arranged my crystals in the shape of an “L”. I thought this would have significance to my client. It did not. Turns out, it was my grandfather saying hello. The “L” is for Lucas Richard my son whom is named in honor of my grandfather. My grandfather was a great man....a really great man. He was a bright light and a privilege to all who knee and loved him.

Blessings,



Madame Heather





Picture this: The frantic white rabbit in Alice in Wonderland yelling, "I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date. No time to say hello, good-bye, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late...".  Does the white rabbit remind you of anyone? It should. We all occasionally get agitated about "being late". Think about a parent rushing their children out to door for school or an office worker sitting in rush hour traffic after running late to work.

Today, I felt like the white rabbit hopping about madly while yelling at my children to hurry up and get out the door! However, what was I really upset about? It was not actually about being late. It was about controlling my environment and the illusion known as time. Being late is a lie. What will really happen if we are late? Absolutely nothing! We will still exist just the same. Being late may cause us to miss an appointment or flight, but we will not implode. It is just another lie we tell ourselves. Another illusion that leads us down the rabbit hole of disturbed inner peace. We are actually letting this false sense of "time" make us angry and irritable. Being late is just one of the many ways we let life's little illusions disturb us. But why?

Control is the ultimate answer. We hold on tightly to the false belief that we are in control. Oh my dear friends, that is the biggest lie yet! Everything is carefully orchestrated by the universe and spirit. We are here to learn, grow, and love. That is all! Everything that surrounds us including our own physical bodies is a shell. The lies we tell ourselves are carefully constructed by the Ego. Your mind will protect its fragile self at all costs. It will lie to you. Think about a schizophrenic and the voices they hear. The voices are "typically" carefully constructed illusions by the Ego to protect the mind as the result of an emotional trauma.

How do you Let go of control? You have to be ready. It is as pure and simple as that. Give yourself time to feel your pain, but then you must let it go! The alternative is carrying around your pain that transforms itself into fear, anxiety, anger, and hate. What do you have control over? Your actions and responses to a situation. You get to choose what and how a situation affects you. Just like the spider, you are the architect of your own web. Free yourself from the web of lies! Do not let anything or anyone(especially you) disturb your inner sanctuary.





The time to stop running is now. Fear will always be there gnawing  at your mind until you turn around and say enough is enough, I want my power back!

Fear and I have been doing a terrible tango as of late. I am a chronic worrier, but after the conception of my third child, the worrying started escalating into terrible bouts of severe anxiety.  My worst fear during pregnancy? A pre-term baby due to a stressed-out mama. Truly, I suffered in silence. My husband and my therapist were the only people who really knew how deeply my anxiety was affecting me. I felt like I was being held together by a single bobby pin. My OBGYN’s candid thoughts? Just take a zoloft or mood-stabilizing medication. One teensy catch, however, there are some possible horrific side effects that could include a major heart defect. And I thought my anxiety had peaked!

A sidenote: If I cannot have a margarita, Ativan, or both during my pregnancy, then my growing baby cannot have Zoloft. That was the last conversation about my "fear-based" anxieties with the OBGYN. My doctors never even asked during my prenatal exams how I was doing or if I was coping with my anxiety. Please make sure you are billing my insurance for those diligent compassionate care talks. From the outside looking in, everything looked just how it should. That’s the way I wanted it. I did not want anyone to know the extent of my suffering. Except my therapist, I don’t feel bad for him. At least he gets paid to listen to my hormone-imbalanced ranting. Just a word to the wise, ignoring or storing away your fears does make them go away.

What am I so afraid of?

Becoming curious about your fears is a great first step to managing them.  I have started taking inventory of my fears. Once you bring your fears into awareness, you can make crucial and necessary life changes. You may think your only fears are flying or intimacy(for example), but as you contemplate those fears there are multiple others in the rear view mirror. I quickly realized my fears were many, varied, and ran very deep. Have you ever said to yourself  “I’m fine”. Well, the more you say it to yourself the more you start to realize you are certainly "not fine”.

Here is where the real work begins. Once your fear patterns are established(journaling or writing is helpful), you are ready to eradicate fear. The only way to deal with fear is to face it...head on. I like thinking about it from a warrior perspective. You are a SPIRITUAL WARRIOR. Look at your fear. Be curious about it and even talk to it(just not in public). Only by becoming curious do we get a chance to know fear and thereby transforming it into positive life enhancing energies. Fear can become one of our greatest allies and teachers.

Personally, I was tired of running from my best friend fear. I was sick and tired of being afraid. Fear has been keeping me from my higher self, my life goals, worldly adventures, and more importantly it was keeping me from speaking my truth. Speaking your truth means that you are living the most authentic version of yourself. Do you have the courage to face your internal dialogue? What illusions or lies are  you telling yourself? Are you being your authentic self? If not, this is your wake up call. Time is trickling away and you cannot get it back once it is gone. The time for action is NOW.

The number one thing fear is robbing from me is the joy of living in the moment and my peace of mind.

Fear is clearly not your friend, but maybe it should be. You know the old adage keep your friends close and your enemies closer? That is how you should treat fear. Welcome him into your home. Offer him tea and crumpets. He does not know that you train jiu jitsu and conceal carry*wink wink*. The universe always knows when you need a helping hand. I came across a book while scrolling Amazon entitled My Friend Fear by Meera Lee Patel. This book has opened up my world on how you should be treating fear. If fear has you constantly tapping from a rear-naked choke then you should read it too! The artwork is delicious, the quotes are thoughtful, and the wisdom encouraging.

If you believe, all things are possible.

This Friday, July 27th is a Lunar Eclipse and it is the perfect time for releasing your fears and embracing positive new beginnings. Here are a few tips to get you moving in the right direction for the big celestial event. 1.) Starving fear is a very logical and practical approach, however, it can leave a gaping hole that requires filling. You cannot simply remove the negativity and then go wash your hands with soap. Once the negativity of fear is quelled you must add something you want to become the primary inner voice. What do you put in the hole? Positivity and Prayer. The rainbow of it all is that when you talk your spiritual team listens. Miracles are everywhere. The point is you have to take responsibility for your fears and then take action! That’s right buttercup, to overcome your fears work as well as play is required.

The best pieces of advice for releasing fear are as follows:

Be consistent.
Meditation x 2 for 5 minutes a day or when possible.
Write down your fears and mentally replace the negative with the positive.
Surround yourself with positive quotes, affirmations, and people.
Buy some gratitude and mindfulness journals.
Be gentle and patient with yourself.
Slow down and enjoy the little things.
Practice becoming a good listener for yourself and others.
Play and have fun.

The ultimate way through fear? Love, faith, hope, courage, and prayer. You are divinely guided at all times...remember that! You CAN do this. Be sure to laugh and be patient with yourself. These fearful thought patterns did not get there overnight. Take lots of breaks, moments to recognize your progress, and be kind to yourself. Start with a daily gratitude journal until gratitude becomes second nature. Pray a lot(deity of your choosing). Listen more than you speak, especially to your own thoughts. Enjoy the sweet simplicity of living in the moment and use your fears to build your greatest strengths. Build an empire of empathy, compassion, kindness, happiness, joy, and inner peace. Do not allow anyone(especially yourself) to disturb your inner sanctuary. Be close to your fear. Run towards it. Sit with your fears until you know them inside and out. Only then will you find the answer to unlocking your spiritual and emotional freedom. Fear has as much power as you give it. During this powerful lunar eclipse, take back your freedom!



The SpiritSong tarot deck by Paulina Cassidy drew me in like a moth to a flame. Beautiful artwork aside, I love the blending of the two featured “nature honoring” cultures in this deck. SpiritSong combines Shamanism and Native American animal symbolism and reflects the importance of spirit animals within these cultures. Everyone connects with spirit in a different way. For me, it is mainly through nature with spirit animals. Animals have always fascinated me. My favorite animal as a child was the regal white tiger with big blue eyes. Such beauty and strength! There is always something splendid to behold when surrounded by nature. Beauty and magic are literally everywhere when you take the time to connect with Mother Gaia. I cleansed this particular deck with palo santo and asked God/spirit to bless it with love and light for everyone’s highest good.

During this phase in my spiritual growth, I have been called to delve into my shadow side where fear is a prominent player. Fear finally caught up with me and was causing a great deal of anxiety. Anxiety was robbing me of my joy and happiness. Stay tuned for a future post on overcoming fear! The battle with fear is mostly won thanks to God and my hard inner work. As a result, I have been feeling incredibly calm and peaceful. Hence, the first card that I pulled: 17. The Star. If this isn’t an auspicious sign(or incredible blessing) for this deck then I do not know what is!

I am going to talk about the swan as a spirit animal first, the booklet meaning, and finally I will go into my own impressions regarding the SpiritSong card The Star. Swan symbolizes awakening the power of self, inner beauty, grace, and balance. These are just some of the main themes regarding the swan. Click the “spirit animal” link located in the beginning of this paragraph to go to the Shamanic Journey blog for more in-depth information. Surprisingly, the swan also has meanings associated with divination, understanding spirit, and developing intuition.

17. The Star is part of the major arcana. The SpiritSong guide book uses peace and healing as the main keywords. The guide book also talks about rejuvenation after a period of emotional upheaval. Discovering your spiritual gifts. Trust and balance. Belief in yourself. Having faith in God. You are on your way to your highest potential. Note: I will not review reversals. They are the reverse meaning and fairly self explanatory. I am clairsentient and I do not read reversals. Regardless of card positioning, I will get feelings and additional feedback about what the card means through spirit.

Here are Madame Heather’s additional insights about the SpiritSong card 17. The Star. I received insights of inner harmony. Reflection and meditative state of mind. Flowing with life. Moving in a positive direction. Emotional healing. Mindfulness accompanied by positive thoughts. Think about a zen/yogi swan! Renewal of faith + trust after hardships with yourself and God.

Need additional insight? Contact Madame Heather on Facebook! Heather works with the angelic and spirit animal realms. Heather is clairsentient, claircognizent, and an Empath. Readings are performed online or by phone for 40 to 60 minutes in the traditional Celtic cross format. Readings are $20. Photo credit to Blaire Ring at Second Ave Photography. Blessings!
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